A chapter of my life

Have you ever felt so worthless? There are times when I feel that everything that I'm doing is wrong. It feels like that the direction of my life is leading to somewhere I'm not suppose to go to. It feels like every step I take, there's a pit to take me down. There are also times when I'm just staring into nothing, doing nothing, and thinking nothing. Am I being depressed on my own world? A world where I am the author at the same time the character. I am writing my own story and I'm leading it into dullness, loneliness, and sorrowfulness.

Yep, I am the writer of my own world. I am the ones who decide. I am directing my own story. If I feel sad today, that's my choice. If I get tired of nothing, that's what I want. If I am down today, I can always get up because I can choose to stood, face forward, step, and move on. I might fail everyday, I might suffer everyday, and everything that happened to me before might happen again. It will feel that my story is ju…


I'm not perfect.

I made mistakes and will surely make one again. I'm always trying to hide my sadness behind my smile. I never felt alone, but always think that I am. I have a lot of dreams to catch, but not strong enough to reach. I have lots of friends, but I never show my weak side to them. I think a lot of nonsense and I am enjoying it. I always wan't to finish what I started, but I always got tired fast. I talk a lot and loves to leave anyone hanging with my thoughts. I love to play with my own emotions. I will lie for what I think is right. I always want everyone around me to be happy. I never spent too much for myself. I care a lot for others. I will sacrifice my own for the person I love. I always want to be someone I'm not for the sake of everyone.

I still have a lot to say, but thoughts are scuffling in my brain.

All I want is to be understand. All I want is to be accepted for who I am.

Paper Flowers

A year ago or almost (really not sure), I made this paper flowers and still they are intact and not showing any indication of being ripped except for the dust and the smell of an old paper, of course.  That moment I realized that even how fragile things are, if you take good care of them they might last for years or even forever (a bit exaggerated).
I didn’t exert a lot of efforts in doing such paper flowers, but what if I did? I perhaps, created an artistic bouquet that I can give to someone special or put it on the grave of my love ones and pray not to rain. But to set the kidding aside, creating and giving more effort on things are more valuable to those who will receive it rather than those that you can just buy.  For me, real flowers are
irreplaceable because of its scents, colors, and textures but after a week or two this flowers that we give or receive will only last on our memories and someday maybe forgotten. Unlike paper flowers, with creativity, effort, and patience, the…


Freeze it or let it flow like a rushing river. Once in every moment I stare on a clock hanging at our office wall. There is also a time when I ponder, was it all worth it?
Almost half of our lives are spent working just to attain what we want and to support our needs. However, it utilizes not only our time, but also the chances that we might have experienced something different during that period. Unfortunately, we are sitting in front of our desk, writing things that sometimes we don’t even understand, printing documents that aren’t ours, fixing others problem that we don’t even care about, and putting ourselves into a situation where we don’t even want to be. Facing the reality is hard enough to accept that we are living in a world where equivalent trade is applied. 
Why are we continuously doing this? Is it really because it is the right thing to do or we don’t even have a choice? Through deep thoughts we might understand and accept that time together with something has something i…


The way you see it is not the way I see it too. Dullness is covering almost everything in this photograph. Black making it hard to see the details and these white shades are the only bright color that can be seen. It represents melancholy, a pure sadness. Being drawn by sorrows and regret. 
Though the abovementioned was true, it is undeniable that its dullness delivers its intended meaning. Black shows its emotion and white complements to show its artistic side.  It brings joy to everyone who can appreciate it and holds different stories that only those who see its beauty can tell. Color gives every single detail that a certain image might have, while black and white gives what we need.

Even if we were born at same time, location, and situation, we can't still think the same way. Yes, we might have similarities or something in common. However, we still have dissimilarities, weather we are hiding it or haven't even noticing it.